How to create a life that truly represents you

A few weeks ago, in my last blog, we talked about the sense of responsibility, or rather response-ability. This is a fundamental feature to develop to feel at ease in your life and it becomes easier to understand if I outline what socially relevant lies are preventing you from seeing things clearly.

The first, biggest and most widespread lie you may believe is that you are in this life to prove something, earn something, or leave a legacy. In this way you exist under the pressure of performance anxiety and fear of failure.

When you were small, a change in the tone or mood of your parents or a reprimand was usually enough to make you believe they did not want you anymore and you had to win back their love. You do this unconsciously, but this attitude quickly becomes a way of life: the longing and the search for what you are (apparently) missing. This “fight for something” deepens further when you open up to the comparison with your peers and you start to notice that they own things you do not have or when you begin to attend school, and everything is based on the measurement of your ability and your performances.

It becomes the norm to feel that you are not living up to the expectations of others, that you are never good enough. Competing becomes the standard and winning seems the only way to get something that is scarce. This vicious circle builds up your anxiety, pressures and the worries, because unknowingly, you give your results the power to define you and your value and therefore they become a pre-condition of being loved.

In our current culture, we have also built a new type of stress – “popularity anxiety" – if you are not visible, famous, popular, you feel nothing. Everyone is so eager to compete for their slice of success, visibility and popularity through contexts such as "X Factor", "Get Talent", or reality shows and social media. If you do not have an audience or followers, you feel nothing. This is a collective lie built on your emotional need for external approval. You believe that external validation is a condition necessary to believe in yourself.

Why is this a collective lie? It is collective because we share it through different cultures and lifestyles, it is a lie is because we choose to believe that love is a conditioned result. I get love only if … I could be lovable if...

What would happen if you could change this belief? What if, suddenly, as happened to me, you began to realise that love is already there, no matter what, and it is simply you tuning into its frequency that lets you experience it? What if, instead of believing that you have to earn love through your behaviours, you discover that love is already yours because it is part of your DNA, that you should live it from the inside and feel free to express it?

Maybe you can’t imagine the what if, so I’m telling you. The love is already there. You are made from this energy called "love". You are not experiencing it only when you believe you are separate from it. This insight will change your life forever. Your heart will open to the truth that performing is not necessary to experience the yearning, changing belief is the key.

Believing in the lack model that generates the need of “doing and doing more to achieve” is a spiralling model. When you reach something, the sense of satisfaction generated from it lasts just an instant and then your needs make you establish a new higher level of desire, so the hunt can start again and with it the anxiety, the stress and the fear…

Can you see how great is the risk of consuming your energy and your entire life without ever reaching the fulfilment and joy you seek?

But how can you stop participating in this collective lie? You have to let go of this common and deep rooted belief about lack and performance that has been instilled in your mind. You must choose to believe something else and create a new mindset.

I can tell you what I’ve chosen instead: I choose to believe that my life is the possibility of loving. I don’t have to look for love, I don’t have to earn love, I don’t have to get love. I can be love. I am, as you are, a form of love. Nature is a form of love, the animals are, the universe is. If I turn inside instead of outside and I care about nurturing this love from within, its light and its strength will become inevitable for someone else. I do not have to do anything, except to be what I am already. I just have to allow myself to be what I have always been, even before my birth. Pure energy of love. 

This is a powerful awareness. It is revolutionary. It is joyful. It’s already yours. Accept it.

Please believe me. This changes everything. I haven’t become a mystic or a philosopher. On the contrary, I’m even more deeply rooted in my real life, physical and material. The vast, priceless difference is that life does not happen to me anymore. I create it. I shape it and I fill it with my love every day and what happens, as a consequence, has my mark on it and it gives me a joy and a fulfilment that I never thought possible.

(Picture courtesy Flickr - Marco Braun)