Exiting the lack of self-esteem loop

Self-esteem issues, and consequently also self-confidence issues, are one of the most common themes that people share with me.

Constantly questioning yourself or your abilities takes up a lot of energy and time in your life, you ruminate in indecision and/or fear of acting.

Why are we so insecure? Because we grew up with an education system that doesn't help individuals get to know themselves and assess their qualities and values.

Almost every one of us had to face experiences of humiliation, non-acceptance, exclusion, judgement and criticism early in our existence, not to mention deeper traumas, such as physical, emotional and psychological violence. The conclusion our subconscious has arrived at, as a result of such experiences, is that there is something wrong with us.

A hurt child does not have the logical ability to contextualise why something happened, because the part of his or her brain that performs this function (pre-frontal cortex) has not yet fully developed. So he or she interprets what is happening from the point of view of the limbic (emotional) brain: “if I've been rejected, excluded, punished, ridiculed it's because I'm different or less than the others, I lack something that others have and therefore I shouldn’t have self-esteem or confidence in my abilities.”

These unconscious conclusions become the ground on which all your attitudes germinate and your personality traits develop. You simply get used to living with this missing or limited idea of yourself.

The profound truth I would like to share with you is that you are not wrong, less than or unworthy of receiving love. You have simply convinced yourself of this and, as your beliefs are manifested through your experiences, you continue to experience situations that reflect the lack of esteem or trust in which you believe. In summary, you live within the loop that your beliefs have created about you.

But, in every moment of your life, you can make a different choice. That is, you can stop endlessly retracing that loop and exit the spell in which you have unconsciously trapped yourself.

How do you do this? By developing a new and broader understanding of yourself. By doing exactly the job that no one (or few) have taught you to do: educate yourself on the greatness of who you are, assess your qualities and gifts and begin to use the vast potential that you possess in a positive way. The process of understanding obviously involves letting go of the emotional attachment to those interpretations that make you believe you are different, or less than. There are several techniques that allow you to achieve this result.

I use a method that makes use of hypnotic regression to get to the heart of the experiences that caused the false interpretation, but there are energetic and even physical techniques that allow you to unlock the vital energy trapped in certain psychological-emotional patterns.

The important message I want to convey to you is that there is no reason why you should continue to lack self-esteem or confidence. You are simply trapped in a pattern – break the pattern and you will allow yourself to expand your experience.

Self-recognition is the first step in starting to fully experience all the roles you play, and it is also a necessary step in starting to evolve into a knowledge of yourself that goes beyond your physicality.

Without self-esteem it is very difficult to dialogue with your soul because you are always and only concentrated on listening to what comes from outside: the judgment of others, their expectations, the shared worries. When instead you start to feel good inside your skin you gain the ability to silence everything else and within that silence you finally begin to distinguish the guide of your intuition, which is nothing but the voice of your soul. Connecting with that guide is what you should have done from the very beginning because there is no more powerful partnership. Your soul is the only one who knows why you are who you are and why you are having the experiences you are having. Interacting with your soul erases any possibility of doubt and completely transforms the colour and taste of your life.

Don't waste any more time wallowing in your insecurities. Being insecure is simply something you've learned to do, and now, if you wish, you can learn something bigger and more powerful: learn to be your whole self.

(pic credits Nareeta Martin for Unsplash)