There is a huge difference between choosing solitude and feeling lonely. The English language has two different words to express these concepts: aloneness and loneliness. Aloneness is a state of being, a desire for space, silence and breath. It is choosing distance from the world to regenerate the heart, to create distance from others to finally listen to oneself. Loneliness is a sense of lack, a sense of emptiness, of abandonment, of non-belonging. In Italian both words are translated as solitude, but this solitude has a different taste and meaning...
Being alone but not feeling alone. This is the solitude I love. This is the aloneness that I often long for, to fill me. That wonderful feeling of rediscovering my borders only to dissolve them in silence, in contemplation, in the sense of a deep appreciation of what surrounds me.
I need aloneness like air. I could never survive without my precious moments of reflection and solitude where everything comes back into balance, where I can slow down to almost stop breathing and remain suspended in a feeling of palpable and velvety peace. I need silence and distance to continue to function well as a human being.
It has always been this way. I love company and socialising as much as I love finding myself alone with myself, focusing on my passions without interference, closing the door behind me and completely savouring the energy of the spaces I have woven for myself. It is with a sense of completeness and relief that I find time with myself.
We are social beings who need others, but not all the time. Our energy and well-being need to "regroup" from time to time. And we can only do this in solitude, only by taking care of it personally.
If the idea of being alone creates discomfort and anxiety in you, there is something that is not in balance within you. There is probably a fear or anxiety that is asking you to be seen, neutralised, corrected. There is something that has distorted your sense of you and has the potential to negatively affect many aspects of your life.
Try to ask yourself: what is the reason for your discomfort with being alone with yourself? What are you afraid of in closing off all noise and distractions outside of you? Why do you feel lonely when instead you could finally appreciate a profound dialogue with your heart? What do you fear when there is only silence around you?
Aloneness is a precious experience; being in touch with everything and never feeling alone. But like all experiences, to really understand it, you have to embrace it without resistance. If when you are alone you feel lonely this is because you have closed yourself out, because you cannot really love yourself. And this is extremely dangerous because if you are not in tune with the frequency of love you will hardly be able to catalyse it towards you. You have to give yourself first what you want to experience from others.
Aloneness has an exhilarating altitude when you are able to choose it, create it, exalt in it. It is a gateway that projects you towards the infinite potential you possess, but only in the silence and the immobility of solitude you can really understand this potential, can you feel it flowing like a vital current inside you.
Have the courage to be alone and to celebrate this solitude with the profound joy it deserves. It is an experience that you will never give up again.
(pic courtesy Unsplash - Keeghan Houser)